I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
