don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Randomize
