So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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