Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You were trust falling into bushes
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
