Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
