I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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