watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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