STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
