She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
