it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
