no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
