i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
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