I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
