I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
