So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
