3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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