I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My penis needs a shock collar
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages