so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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