i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You can't special order awesome
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.