remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
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.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
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He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina