And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.