we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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