God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He did a backflip because drugs
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
