We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
