This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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