this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
