Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
