I wanna passion pit in your ass
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
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I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
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Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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