Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
