this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
