I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
