Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
