Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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