I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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