i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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