D3 body, D1 cock
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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