All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
