I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
