my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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