Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
