I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
