i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
