You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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