I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
