I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
