He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
