i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
