I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
