no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
