Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
