I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
And then my night got REAL pukey
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
