I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
