It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
