my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
