There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Be still, my beating vagina.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
