If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
