highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
