a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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