Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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