Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
