He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
