wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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