god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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