Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
