I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
