you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
