I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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