Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
