it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
