When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
